Thinking Back...

Growing up... I'm still growing up. I do however look back on these short 25 years I have been in this body as Katie. I was born and raised in Oshawa, Ontario, Canada a GM town. I was blessed from day one. My upbringing was very typical, I had two loving parents and a sister who is six years older then myself.

From the very beginning I was a quiet and shy child. I loved my family and going everywhere with them. I lived in a quiet neighbourhood where most of the resident's were already retired. There were very few children around and I was alright with that. Playing on my own was fun and I rarely got borde. Our backyard was large for a city home and I would get lost in my own imagination.

I often look back and wonder why I chose to play the games I made up. While most little girls enjoy playing house, teacher and secretary, my most interesting exciting game was to play pioneers. (My best girl friend growing up will tell you it got old playing this game every time she came to visit!) I however thought you could never get borde of such a fun game. I would always pretend I was working on a farm, with horses, riding my imaginary horse around the backyard and I would bring this game to school with me as well during recess. I would pretend I was very poor living with the bare means of life and appreciating that. (I have truly wondered if this perhaps was a past life of mine)

I worried often as a child. Thoughts that generally most children never speak of. "What's going to happen to me?" "I'm the youngest in my family, which means I will be all alone one day in the future." That truly terrified me.

My Dad spoiled me as most do with their daughters. I took great interest in the things that made him happy and what made him upset. (he was rarely upset with me) I do remember always wanting him to be happy as I could feel his stress so strongly at times it would upset me. Dad was always stressed with his job as a highschool english teacher. I always knew that his job stressed him out and he was no longer happy with it. When he was on vacation he would become a much happier engaging person and while he was working he was visably stressed.

Mom and I had a good bond from the beginning as well. I again took great interest in what made her happy and upset. She had very different interests then Dad and I was able to experience the best of both of their worlds and the very best when we were all together.

Both my parents were hard workers and consistant with everything throughout my childhood.

My sister had a unique personality that didn't mesh all the time with mine and yet worked at other times. We played together like most sisters and fought like all sisters do! She is six years older then me and as the years went on there was less of an interest to play together because she was experiencing new things that I wouldn't experience for many more years. Our relationship never truly strengthened as we both struggled to make our way through school. She likes to think of herself as somewhat of a rebel growing up and I was much more reserved. This was true to a point. I watched her a lot and learned from her mistakes. I saw how upset my parents got and vowed I would never repeat the same actions.

Elementary school was full of struggles and achievements for me. Although I was shy when I started elementary school that changed. It did take a couple years to adjust and hating loud noise and frequent headaches made school a challenge. I came out of my shell nicely and was often the one making jokes and enjoyed making other kids laugh. I also enjoyed getting to know who my teachers were and watching what made them tick.

By grade 5 I had 5 girl friends that were all very different and yet we all played together until the true turmoil of being a pre-teen set in. I'm not sure how to discribe myself in the group... I had a small obsession with wanting to be gothic...watching a marilyn manson music video at the age of 12 and loving how strange and most likely misunderstood he was. One of the six of us girls was the overacheiver, involved in every sport and managing to get A's. The other was a A student as well and was obsessed with keeping her desk neat and tidy! I always admired this about her and wanted so badly to be the same. (She was consistantly teased for this but I thought it showed she enjoyed learning and I wanted the same for myself) I would then look in my desk unsure of even where to begin to sort through the mess. Her mother would put a friendly note in her lunch bag each time she stayed for lunch... I wanted this too! She was teased consistantly through grade school and I saw her as misunderstood as well and had a truly fantastic relationship with her because I really looked up to her morals and her ability to tackle school work and do well! Not to mention the fact that she LOVED pink. For some reason everyone thought that made her more of a geek and teased her further.... high school would change that as Pink became the colour to love.(strange)

The next girl in our group was the first person I had ever met who's parents got a divorce. That was interesting to me. She was an average student, she played soccer and dressed like me which often was slushy pants and t-shirt (we dressed like boys a lot) Jeans were considered uncool at this point. We were quiet close as well although fought more. Laugh attacks are one of the highlights of this friend and getting in trouble during class because of it.

The last two girls were close with each other and yet remaind friends with the rest of our group. They were girlier although we all seemed to go through the phase of slushy pants and tear aways... both tended to cause the most drama in the group. I look back and don't judge them for anything because we all had our nastey caddy moments. But for some reason one of us would always be fighting with the other.

We were a fairly inseperable group, until highschool. I had become fairly accepted at school and was never made fun of... I rarely teased others and would chat with everyone unless prevoked in some way to be upset or to avoid them. I loved everyone when I graduated and the adjustment to highschool would be difficult for me.